i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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