I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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