I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
