What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
