Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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