I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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