Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
