You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
