i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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