You're my little dorito
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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