So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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