the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she smelled like a LAN party
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
