she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
