PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I pour the whiskey from now on
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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