I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
