12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
