what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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