i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
