I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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