I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
