I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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