new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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