no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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