in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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