all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
