Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
