Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
