Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
