I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
