Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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