Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I seem to have left my pride at pride
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
