I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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