Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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