smell my finger.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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