can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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