I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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