So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
