i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
