I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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