hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
