she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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