I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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