I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my being single is dangerous.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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