Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
