brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
ugly people sure do ruin things
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
