Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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