I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
