Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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