I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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