just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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